the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
