Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
