She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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