well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
