I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
