You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
