i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
