Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
