Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize