ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Randomize
