I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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