i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
