i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
