just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
