shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
