I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
