I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
