We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
