Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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