i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
