so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
