I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
