I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have demons in me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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