i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
