Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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