I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
