I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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