I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
