I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
