P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
