ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
