A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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