by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
