I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
