Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
