Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
