Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize