I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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