Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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