dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize