Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
