This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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