Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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