Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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