my sisters under your porch take her home
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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