you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize