There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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