i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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