$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
