Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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