I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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