I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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