he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
as a side note pls kill me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize