Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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