It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
