I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
