apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize