it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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