idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
