This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
