You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
