Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize