What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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