Cold hands, warm shart.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
