He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
