they need to just BURY HIM!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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