but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
