That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
