My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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