My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
