she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
