You can't motorboat a personality
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
