I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
